Still not on that wagon and Im really struggling.....

I fell off that wagon when I got sick. I have spiraled out of control and all my old food addictions have come back full force. I have gained some weight back as well. I am disgusted with myself and every day I say I will make better choices yet every day I make bad choices and think to myself TOMORROW. I have prayed every night yet I run I run from that small quiet voice by day. I am completely self sabotaging and I don't know why? Is it guilt? I really think it is. It seems my spirit is under fire with temptations lately. And I feel guilt for being so tempted and having "thoughts" maybe I am eating away the guilt of that? Along with clear stress from being out of work and money and marriage ect. I am eating myself numb?

What's worse is I feel physically like crap. I am tired and sluggish and full and bloated. Why can't I stop the spiraling of out of control addictions! Processed foods, sugars, carbs, and eating out obsession back in full fledge. I have even gotten fast food and all my old favorites from restaurants and coffee shops and cookies. It's like I am making up for lost time. AND IT DOESN"T EVEN TASTE OR FEEL GOOD! I am just self sabotaging.

I am vowing I am turning to God and in Jesus name I will overcome. I am going to focus on my relationship with him. Reading the word my sword and defense against temptation that comes to me. I will put on my armor of God and win against temptations. Food addictions is a by product of my spiritual health apparently. God had impressed it upon me that my job right now is to be a Godly wife and home maker and mother. I will focus on that. The rest will come as my spirit is strengthened.

I have also learned I am chronically dehydrated and I REALLY need to focus on getting my water in. But I struggle. SO I am going to try to really focus on God and being a Godly wife and water intake. And let Jesus take the wheel with my foods. I am not going to follow exact rules right now. I am just going to pray before I choose what to eat and while I am meal planning at home.

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